How Being a Jets Fan Can Make You An Atheist
Yesterday I was all excited when I heard that the Jets beat the Colts. However, later I found out that the win was really only against the Colts second string players. Oh well, nothing new when it comes to being disappointed by the New York Jets. I guess it all started for me when I was 10 years old. A flashy dude named Joe Namath beat the real “Baltimore”, supposedly unbeatable, Colts. In fact I was the only kid in my neighborhood who thought Johnny Unitas was not a god. Super Bowl III was a dirty rotten trick to play on a poor little Long Island 10 year old. Year after year there always seems to be a small glimmer of hope, but the Jets never fail to disappoint. I won’t bore you with all the #failJets stories over the years; however, I will try this one little doozy out for a spin.
December 1981, my mom had retired and just moved down to Florida. It’s a law…if you live on Long Island, NY, and retire, you “must” relocate to Florida. I was working in Texas at the time and decided to spend the holidays with my mom in her new home. I remember the day as clear as yesterday. it was the afternoon of December 27th, 1981. For most of us who grew up on Long Island, it was one of those rare equinoxes that happen (The Jets are in the playoffs and they actually have a decent team.)….
Christmas had been over for a few days and my mom and some of her new friends were relaxing in the kitchen having coffee and of course Entenmann’s cake (another NY/FL law). At half time, I mozied from the Florida room to the kitchen to meet my mom’s new friends. One of her new friends was a retired NY Catholic priest. I made some awkward remark like - “I didn’t know priests retired, I thought they just ….”. After an awkward moment, I said “Never mind”. It was half time and the Jets were getting pounded (24-10). After the half time hoopla ended, I decided to stay in the kitchen and visit with my mom and her friends. Then Joe Cribs of Buffalo busted a 45 yard touchdown early in the third quarter (score 31-10). I must admit, I spent most of the second half of the game watching with one eye from the kitchen table. Then all of a sudden when I was just about to turn my complete attention away from the game, Richard Todd (the Jets QB) drives a march down the field. After Todd hits a 30 yard touchdown, I rudely jumped from the kitchen table and planted myself solidly back in the Florida room and devoted my full attention back to the game. My mom knew I was a bit crazy, and I probably startled her guests. I am not sure if the priest knew exactly what was going on. He seemed a little bit out of the conversation anyway (he was in his 90’s) and I am certain I startled him more than the others.
Then the Jets get the ball back again and score another touchdown. “This can’t be happening!”, I yelled. Again I startled the guests and it was clear that I was starting to frustrate the old priest. The score was now 31-27 Bills. Starting to get my hopes up, I’m thinking we might actually win this one. With around two minutes left and after forcing a Bills punt, the Jets drive down the field and score again. “This is crazy!” I screamed. Again with a lot strange looks from my mom’s guests, I am sure I was starting to sound like a raving lunatic. Then, with only about 2 minutes remaining, the Jets get the ball back and drive 69 yards to the Bills 11-yard line. Then, in pure Jets fashion, Richard Todd throws an interception. Game over…but wait, a holding call on the Bills, miracles could…might…happen.
The Jets have the ball on the 11 yard line, third down, with 14 seconds left on the clock. A TV time out was called and they turn to a commercial. I can’t stand it. I started running around in circles in my mom’s Florida room. Then, a light bulb flash, a divine epiphany, happens. Like a gazelle, I leap into the kitchen and get down on my knees and pray before the priest. Your holiness, please forgive me, it has been 20 years since my last confession. Hail Mary Full of grace…I beg of you, please say a blessing so that NY can win this game. The priest slowly rises with one hundred percent of his faculties. He appears to make a gesture of a miraculous blessing for the New York Jets to win this football game. My hopes and dreams have come true. I have visions of the amazing miracle 1969 New York Mets, Knicks, and yes Virginia, the 1969 Super Bowl winning Jets. Then in a deep voice, the priest asks me a simple question, “Which NY team is it?” I knew I only had seconds to spare before the TV commercial ended and I might miss an opportunity for a divine intervention. I shouted at the top of my lungs, “The New York JETS, of course!”. Then in a succinct and clear voice, and in complete control of his faculties, he says “Nope, I can’t do it … I am a New York Giants’ fan.”. Todd then goes on to throw an interception at the 1 yard line with 2 seconds left and the Jets lose 31-27. Ever since that day, I always make sure I watch all my football games with atheists.
